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Thread: A True Circus

  1. #1
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    Default A True Circus

    So here I go again. This getting old crap is getting, well, old. I have managed to completely tear my rotator cuff in my left shoulder and I am scheduled for surgery to get it fixed on the 24th. Here's the rub. I'm LEFT HANDED. I'm going to essentially have my left arm duck taped to my side for a few months. This is going to be a real circus. I can only imagine trying to eat with my right hand. Food on the floor, the walls, the ceiling and the dogs to say nothing of myself. Cleaning myself after going to the bathroom is going to be a comedy of errors and most probably a "crappy" experience. Methinks I shall require a bidet. Got no idea of how I'm going to dress myself. Nudity is not a good option. Can't wait to try and brush my teeth and polish my eyebrows.

    I'm thinking of having this videotaped and winning a jackpot on one of those ridiculous TV shows. Been looking for a large mammary nanny with no luck so far. She only has to have one mammary.
    Last edited by mark81253; 01-15-2019 at 15:53.

    God Bless
    Mark
    Psalm 23

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  2. #2
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Just went through the same thing Baby wipes are your friend

  3. #3
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Quote Originally Posted by michaln View Post
    Just went through the same thing Baby wipes are your friend
    Haven't heard from you in quite a while. How ya doing?

    God Bless
    Mark
    Psalm 23

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  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Well Mark, at least you still have your sense of humor. Keep your chin up & good luck on the hunt for a large mammary nanny.

    Rob
    Education is expensive, be it university or emergency room

  5. #5
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Yes it's been awhile doing ok had 2 shoulder surgeries and a blood clot last year so not much shooting

  6. #6
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Happy to see you're still around

  7. #7
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    The physical therapy later on can be the worst of it.
    I had my right arm in a sling for several weeks after a surgery. You quickly learn to adapt.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Vette View Post
    The physical therapy later on can be the worst of it.
    I had my right arm in a sling for several weeks after a surgery. You quickly learn to adapt.
    Thanks Patrick. Tomorrow's the day. Looking forward to getting this over with. I've got plans for this coming spring that I will need both arms for. Git 'er done!!!

    God Bless
    Mark
    Psalm 23

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  9. #9
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    It's been a week now and I'm slowly coming along. Not sure what they did in there but I have had more pain since surgery than I had in total before it. But thanks to better living through chemistry I have been on pretty much a solid diet of high horse power narcotics. They help a lot but have negative side effects. My urinary function is severely curtailed and it is a royal pain to get the thing to work. I am forced to spend a long time sitting on the toilet trying to get "Mr. Happy" to do his thing.

    So another of the wonderful benefits of taking these narcotic Planet Vorkian pills is that it obstructs my ability to take a good crap along with converting my penis into an inoperative piece of worthless meat. Every time I am on them I am unable to have a bowel movement for 3 or 4 days after starting on them and this time was no different. I couldn't crap until about Tuesday, all the time having a healthy appetite and generating more and more fecal matter in the launch tube. So on Tuesday it was either pinch a loaf or detonate. I pushed so hard that I broke blood vessels in my nose and as a result near bled to death. The result is that the turd that comes out of the missile silo is approximately the size of a 16 ounce beer can. A couple of them in fact but after I stemmed the blood flood the feeling was exhilarating. But alas to my chagrin the"beer can" turds plugged up my toilet tighter than a volley ball in a chickens ass. I plunged that motherf**cker so much I near fainted. To no avail. The crapper was PLUGGED.

    So I have been faced with using the toilet upstairs to my aggravation. I had heard of a "toilet blaster" which operates on a CO2 cartridge. It seals itself off around the hole, you pull the trigger and the compressed CO2 discharges and blows the evil jam down the pipes. So I get me on Amazon and get one coming ASAP. It came this afternoon. I promptly loaded the bugger up with a cartridge, pushed the assembly down to seal it off and let 'er rip!

    This "shit" weapon went off like a 12 gauge shotgun!! KABOOM!!! The recoil blew my hand damn near clean off!!! It was like firing a .300 Weatherby one handed. What was I to tell people if it actually removed my hand and had to go around with slings on both arms? Lost my hand due to a jurassic turd??????

    Well the good news is that the turd(s) have left the State of Kansas and are now orbiting the Planet Vorkian!! My toilet is spit polished and now operates like a dream.

    You can't make this shit up!! Thought ya'll would like to hear the story. Who knows what's next in the never ending Book of Markie.
    Last edited by mark81253; 02-02-2019 at 02:04.

    God Bless
    Mark
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  10. #10
    Join Date
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    Default Re: A True Circus

    Glad you're a "detail guy", as I enjoyed the story. I've "blown" my left shoulder in a horse accident, but I'm right handed. To keep the story short...and clean, after a year of PT, had to get surgery. Had the "old man hook" shaved for the "might as wells". This was about 20+ years ago. But last Feb, got a pacemaker, and they ram the wires somewhere through the left shoulder joint. Now that arm is almost a junker again. Happy pooping!

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